Love Hurts, Love Kills Me
by kjcharmed
Summary: After Edward leaves Bella, she knows that she cannot live without him. She would give anything to take the pain away, anything... very dark, contains adult themes


She had never felt so much pain in all her life. She closed her eyes shut tight, trying to push the pain and hurt away. She had tried this countless time before and it had never worked, but she wanted to try one last time. Again she failed.

Every time she closed her eyes she saw his face, his perfect face. The way he once smiled at her, the way he would take her hand in his and the way he would tenderly kiss her lips like she would break at any moment. She had grown to hate the darkness, because that was the time when she could no longer chase away the shadows, when she could only pray for salvation. The darkness brought with it the memories of what felt like another lifetime. A time when she was happy, no, more than happy. She was in love.

When the darkness came and the shadows drew closer, she knew that she would see his face again, smell his scent and feel his touch. But she knew that this would not be real, she knew it would just be her imagination. He was gone, he was never coming back, he had left her all alone. And that feeling was never going to go away.

She had tried relentlessly to forget: forget him, them, it all. But she knew that was not possible, he meant to much to her even now. Even after he had left her torn and broken. She would welcome him back without a thought of what had pasted, if only she could have the chance to do that.

As she sat in her room, she knew there was only one way to end her pain. She had tried to continue without him as he had asked, but it was too much to know that he was out there somewhere without her. She would stop all the hurt now, she had suffered enough. She was nothing without him and she was going to fix that now.

She twisted the knife around in her hand. How had it come to this? And to think that he left for her own safety, to keep her alive. She laughed; a cold, hard laugh. How ironic?! She ran a finger along the edge of the blade, her skin tore apart and her blood began to flow. It was sharp. She winced slightly, it hurt, but not as much as she thought it would. She had already felt a pain so strong that nothing could compare.

There was only one question she asked herself: would she be strong enough to finish it? Did she really have the energy left to put an end to her misery or was she too weak to let go? The first drop of crimson blood fell to the floor. Her finger continued to bleed, she could smell it now. That salty, rusty smell she hated so much. How would she cope when more of her blood was flowing from her fragile body? Would she care when she was torn beyond repair.

Bella reached out for a piece of paper lying at her side: _Be Safe. _She ran her finger over the writing, smearing blood across the page. A tear fell from her cheek, clear mixing with red. His words once comforted her, now they only reminded her of what could have been. Her eyes dropped to the floor where several other pieces of crumpled paper lay. Not long after Edward left her she began to write letters to him, she wrote one, then two and she was unable to stop. That was until she realised that she would never be able to sent them. Where was he?

He would never read he messages, but that didn't mean they meant any less. Each page was filled with her expressing her undying love for him, a love that would forever remain, even long after they had both left this world. Her untidy script littered the floor, page after page. Another tear fell downward. She wanted to say so much, but even if he were here, would it have mattered? She would never know.

Taking a deep breath she knew it was all the torture she could take. Gripping the knife tighter in her right hand she held the blade to her wrist. With one swift movement it was done. The blood was flowing, thick and fast. Her head span. What a feeling, the rush it gave her. She let her eye lids fall, the pleasure she felt in that moment as the essence that was her life force drained from her weak, human body.

There is was, she knew it would come. And it would be the last thing she would remember of this world. She smiled. His voice called out to her. That velvety echo of an angel that once walked by her side. He sounded like he was in pain; she didn't want to hear that but at least it was him. With her head still spinning as the blood rushed out of the wound, she knew that her time was ticking away with each breath she took. He called to her again, her smile widened. She had waited so long to hear him. As she drifted farther into unconsciousness she felt like she could almost smell him, that sweet scent she would never forget. It was all she could smell, it erased the odour of her blood from the room. Then she felt a brush against her arm. Her eyes flew open, shocked.

Her body was shaking, this could not be real. It was all in her head, she was imagining what she wanted to see. But his face was so clear even as she was drifting away, she could see his high cheek bones, his dreamy topaz eyes and of course his perfect cold lips. Was her memory that good? Then she felt his touch again, he didn't feel as cold as he used to. Her own body was colder now as the warm blood spilt across the wooden floor. Edward's fingertips traced a path down her arm to the gash in her wrist.

This could not be real, but everything told her that it was. He was here, he had returned to her. But he was too late, her body was giving up, she was taking her last breaths of air. He cried out, pain and sorrow. The most haunting sound. With a careful but sudden movement, he held her in his arms. He leaned against the wall, cradling her dying form. There was nothing he could do but hold her.

She looked into his eyes, knowing that he had come back to her. Her smile faltered, she was clinging on to what little time she had left. Then with one last ragged breath, the beating of her heart stopped.

Dead.

"I love you"

It was the last thing she would hear.

Edward held Bella close, pulling her into his chest. His cries continued until he could cry no more. He wanted to seek revenge for Bella, but he was the one to blame. This only made it so much worse, he could have stopped this from happening. By leaving he left her with only one option, he had not saved her but instead he had killed the one he claimed to love so dearly. Then a piece of wrinkled paper fell from her hand. Edward reached out for it, grabbing it before it touched the floor:

_Edward,_

_Everyday is worse than the one before without you here. Each morning I finally wake, only to realise that you are really gone, and so the nightmare continues. I wish you would come back, you are the missing part of me. Half of me died when you parted. Please come back and heal the hole you have left in my world. I'm begging you Edward, I love you. Save me…_

_fades to black_


End file.
